do what we want, do what we need, do what we can

Girls get to be so much more these days. We can grow up and be leaders instead of obedient staff and support. We can be something great and independent. The boundaries are so much less than what they were.

Growing up my father always told me I could be whatever I wanted to be. I have wanted to be a singer ever since I can remember, but since my dad said whatever I wanted to be, I came up with hybrid careers. Not only was I gonna a singer, I was going to be a cheerleader and a ballerina all at the same time. There was a phase where I wanted to be a figure skater and an astronaut as well. I would spend hours of class time staring out the window or doodling in my notebooks creating the best figure skating routine or discovery in space. My potential had no limits. Now that I am older I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be. I feel like there are again many aspects of what defines me. Three actually. Perhaps there is a chance of that hybrid life after all.

If our life's work defines us, how do we choose what we are? What is our legacy? Is it as easy as just chasing after our hearts desire, or is there a bit of responsibility to do what we have to and to do what we can?

Right now I am working at Starbucks and waiting tables because that's what I need to do. I need insurance and I need a constant way of paying my bills for the time being. This is what I need to do. What I want to do is find a way to make music while being true to myself. What does that even mean? And what about for others? What am I passionate about? I am passionate about eating disorders and body issues for women and young girls. How can I be a part of that?

I would feel like an impostor to walk into that life claiming I know so much from personal experience. Granted, I've been there but I haven't been at utter rock bottom like some others. Maybe that's my gift. I have perspective yet I am healthy enough to lend myself to those who need someone strong.

I wonder who I am a lot. I wonder when I will find my balance. I hope soon